Friday Night on the Town

My friend Kat and I decided we needed a little upgrade in our social lives so we decided to hit a gallery opening on Friday evening, followed by a late dinner at a restaurant in Allentown I've been meaning to check out.

I adore gallery openings, not because I'm all that cultured but more that I'm a sucker for free wine and cheese. The last few I've attended made you PAY for wine, how ghastly, so I didn't have high hopes. But yes, there was free wine, although I opted for water, and some delicious cheese. Oh, and I was wearing a fabulous new dress and shoes, very Sex and the City, if you will. I hobnobbed with the artists and even bought something, is that a sign that I am finally a real adult?

The opening was lovely but we were hungry so we headed downtown for dinner at Sample. I love the decor; it's in an old music store with tin ceilings and such and the recent renovation included a loft-space and a sweetly circular little bar. I walked in and was immediately greeted by a familiar face and kindly proffered a specialty beverage (the face was Brendan, the drink was a roasted pineapple mojito, thank you Brendan!). After trying to catch the attention of several bored-looking servers, we were seated.

Now, let me tell you a bit about the concept here. Sample, as the name indicates, serves wee bites of food that you order in pieces, like sushi. While I like the idea, couldn't we do something a bit more inspired than mini fish fry or mini bbq chicken salad? Really? Anyway, Kat and I decided to order the flight, which offers a taste of each menu item.

-We were served an amuse-bouche that our server called a vegetarian rice ball. I would call it arancini if it were good, which it wasn't, so instead I'll call it salty fried ball with even saltier soy poured all over it. Kat and I said "Well, it was nice of them to bring something extra, even if it wasn't all that."

-Next we were served the cheese board, including a cheese fondue with pesto, fresh ricotta and pineapple salsa, panini with some cheese and pear something-or-other. And some stale-ass bread hard as a rock. Really, I couldn't even break it and I lift weights. The gluey fondue was saved by the pest0, the panini was whatever and the ricotta was fine.

-The next round was our Mediterranean plate with oilve tapenade (ho hum), hummus (lemony), cucumber salad, pickled onions blah blah blah, I was very bored. The pita was nicely toasted though.

-BBQ chicken salad sandwich, french onion soup and something else unmemorable. Let's just say this; we cut the french onion "soup" in half and there was no spillage. What the hell? Still, Kat and I laughed and carried on.

-Roasted corn bisque, poutine, mini beef on weck. The bisque was very nice, heavy on the cumin with a yogurt-swirl. Poutine, we all know how I love poutine, but if it's not with cheese curd, it's just fries with gravy. As this was. And beef on weck, a seminal Buffalo classic, should never be served without horseradish. For shame!

-Gnocchi in a zucchini puree, steak and fry or some other such nonsense and a mixed green salad with poached pears and blue cheese. This is where I start to get mad. Do not mess with my gnocchi, or more accurately, DO NOT SERVE ME A TATER TOT AND CALL IT GNOCCHI! I have had some bad experiences with gnocchi in restaurants but I have NEVER eaten a deep-fried potato puff served unappetizingly drowning in what looked like Gerber pea-and-carrot puree. Unbelievable. Also, the entire salad, greens and fruit, tasted like the refrigerator. And not a particularly clean one. We didn't even bother to pretend liking any of said items.

-At this point, I was thinking we'd get a crappy dessert and book but no. We had one more plate of unappealing treats. A mini fish fry that was all fry and no fish served on a burnt waffle fry with coleslaw that tasted like it was made in 2006 and had been sitting out since then. I can't remember what other abomination was served with it but it wasn't good.

-Jesus Christ. Did we have to get dessert? Well, at this point, we were considering it a form of entertainment. Rice pudding with honey, chevre and pine nuts was actually nice in flavor but the undercooked rice did not make for the greatest texture. The blueberry cheesecake was glue-like and again, tasted like refrigerator. The mini-smore and mini-coconut whatever included hard, candy-like pieces that were impossible to break, split or chew.

OK, so the food was definitely not memorable but the company was marvelous so we'll just have to try again to erase the memory of such foul food.